i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
