My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
