If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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