I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
