you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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