i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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