Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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