We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
