she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
