we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
