he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
