just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
