i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
