something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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