Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
