He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
