sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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