I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
