You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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