I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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