the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I did not marry a roomba.
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