Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Alive.
So much puke
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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