you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
