I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
