Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
