? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
