I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
