He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
