you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
