Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
