It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
