Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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