i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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