Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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