Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
