i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
