When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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