Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
