Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is my gift to your gina
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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