Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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