im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
