Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
