I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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