I cockslap morals
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
