he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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