Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
