if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
