i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
