College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
