I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
