First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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