yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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