Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I did not marry a roomba.
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